I haven’t written in a while. And, it isn’t that I don’t think about writing ALL the time. I do. It’s just life gets in the way. I get busy. Being unemployed and trying to figure out what’s next has been, well, interesting. I am going to warn you in advance…I am especially crabby today. I want to preface that with the fact that I know I am ridiculously fortunate. That being said, wow, I am feeling angry and annoyed today. No, it isn’t PMS. No, it isn’t low-blood sugar. I am WAY too young for menopause or peri-menopause (thanks Mom, that helped…)
We have had a lot of company over the past month or so. This is the first weekend that we haven’t had company in what feels like forever. It is also Gay Pride Weekend in LA. Parking on our street was at a premium. I thought about moving my car to the street so I could sell the spot when people started driving around in circles looking for parking. Luckily, no one blocked our driveway today. Today they would have been towed. Hell, in my mood, I could have gone out there and pushed a car out of the way. At least I got to see some people in “assless chaps” at the parade. That definitely helped my mood.
I have been acting in a play. I auditioned and got the part which was very exciting. The play is called The Donut Shop by Carl Stillitano. It’s about 4 people (an anorexic, a bulimic, an over-eater and a guy named Mike) who get locked in a donut shop and their interactions while they try to get out. Guess which part I play? It’s in pre-production I guess you would say. The producers are looking for investors so we did a staged reading of the play a little over a week ago. It was a great time. We are going to be doing another reading in about 10 days. Fingers crossed.
Tomorrow, I have a big television audition. It’s one where I have to be “menacing.” I went to my acting coach yesterday and he told me I need to work on not letting my “good nature” come through in my voice. HA! When I think I am being nice people get defensive like I am being a bitch. And, when I am acting menacing I am told my good nature is coming through. WTF!!! I was thinking maybe I should video tape myself and then see how I sound. I’m afraid that may piss me off too.
My acting coach also told me to consider doing stand-up. I just don’t know if I can do it again. I did it for years. I was performing stand up when I moved to LA. I was performing in San Diego before I moved. But now, I just don’t know if I can do it. I feel like I was so young then. Funny, right? I suppose this bitter pill I have obviously swallowed could make for great stand up. Ack, I just don’t know.
There is this woman who walks her dog on our street. He is a big rotty mix. She is a skinny blond with gorgeous legs. He is like a big buffoon of a dog. He lumbers along and bounces around. He clearly isn’t the brightest bulb in the dog house but he is definitely filled with joy. Surprising since his owner is, well, stupid! She walks him off the leash. Why? Because she can’t control him on the leash. It’s a huge error in logic that is going to be a recipe for disaster. (I try and throw at least one cliche in every post…there you go.) Everyday he bounds across our lawn and chases the little cat who lives in our yard. I have confronted her on numerous occasions and yet, she continues to do this. I have confronted her on the street where she has completely ignored me. (OHHH, I should think of her when I audition tomorrow!!) Today I was at my kitchen table as Cujo came bounding across our lawn to chase the cat. I yelled out to her, “Please keep your dog off our lawn!!” To which she replied, “He pulls my arm when he wants to chase your cat…so, I can’t.” Did I already say, STUPID?! So, I say, “Then don’t walk here!” So, she replies, “We just live up the street.” So, I say, “Walk on a different street!!” I was polite…given I was trying to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent (second cliche alert) I made sure to holler after her, “It’s not his fault you walk him here!” The dog is just being a dog…an untrained dog at that. I am sure they will be back tomorrow around 9a. Maybe I will set up my video camera and wait. Plus it will help me with my audition later in the day.
A couple of weeks ago my husband said, “Maybe we should send you back to Amsterdam…” I was lit up when I got back last time. I think he is torn between wanting to get rid of me without burying me in the yard and truly believing sending me away would inspire me. I feel like I still am very excited about what I want to do. I have knocked on a few doors and either no one answered or they were slammed in my face. I know I need to just shake this off and move forward. Like I said, I am not giving up and I am certainly not done, yet.
Believe me, I know how ridiculous I am being. I want to work. I want to work at what I moved to LA to do. I want to write. I want to act. I want to be able to contribute to the world both with my experiences and financially. I want to make a difference.
What’s the answer? Do I write a book? Do I stick with my one-woman show and do my own staged reading? Do I promote the reality ideas I have? Crap, couldn’t I just win the lottery?